On my first post, a Crawlspacer named Jack jokingly suggested a column on the Gibbon. This was a dangerous thing for Jack to do since I was crazy enough to make my debut with the Spider-Mobile. This put a thought in my head, so I started thinking (a dangerous task, I know). The result of those gears grinding in head is this ALL NEW ALL DIFFERENT Cobwebs post – and, to my knowledge, the very first Crawlspace No Prize contest. Yes, that’s right true believers! I’m putting the research burden on you and you are going to find the craziest Spider-Man villain ever (which is why I’m posting early this time around -to give you weekend time to research).
Are you up to the task? Will you be able to rise above the rest? Will you be taking home a coveted Crawlspace Electronic No-Prize? Well, then, read below for more details!
About a month ago on the message boards, Animehunter posted an interview with Dan Slott from CBR talking about his plans for Spider-Man in the future books. One of the questions was what parts of Spider-Man would he NOT use? Here is his response:
“I brought back Living Brain. I’ve had like Overdrive convert the big wheel. I did stories with Cardiac and Stunner. I will use every single piece of the Spider-Man buffalo. I will use every single thing ’cause it’s this rich character for 50 years and it has all this stuff — okay, Mindworm and Judas Traveller, screw them. I am never using them.”
Every bit of the Spider-Man buffalo, huh? Well, let’s see how rotten that buffalo can get. Spider-Man has several decades to pull from and while we’re lucky that he doesn’t have Golden Age issues to work into continuity, he does have his share of craziness that would probably be better if it never resurfaced. Such as…
(PPTSSM #32) – Imagine this – you are the editor and your writer comes to you with a Lizard story. Ho hum, you say. But wait! This writer has a unique twist – it’s not Curt Connors, but rather his pet iguana that has now turned into a half man-half lizard creature capable of hypnotizing you! Way cool!
No way would anyone revisit that fiasco of a loser villain, so we can….. wait a second, getting a text message from Crawlspace management here…
Dan Slott already used him? Geez! This guy’s not kidding when he says all parts of the Spider-Man buffalo… O.K., how about this one:
(ASM #272) What is the one type of scientist you would NOT want to tick off? Did you say one who develops kitchen frying pans? You’d better believe it! Jalome Beacher created a solution that, when coated over any object, makes that object have absolutely no friction whatsoever. You think Teflon is tough stuff? Think again. Who WOULDN’T use this stuff to become a criminal? Of course, since Spidey catches thieves in a web, he is powerless against a foe that webbing can’t adhere to. If only Spidey had other powers. I bet he’s got an app on his Parkerware that takes care of it now.
What’s more deadly than a Nazi skeleton covered in bees? How about a Nazi skeleton covered in bees AND a psychopathic symbiote? Spidey’s never had a more deadly villain team up since Sandman and Hydroman joined to make Mudman! First appearing in Amazing Spider-Man #430, it is a classic that is sure to be in every serious collector’s long box.
O.K., you got me. Carnage Swarm doesn’t exist. But it should. My son Grant came up with this and he looked at me and said, “Dad, every bee has his own Carnage face and tongue. EVERY BEE.” So my plea to Gerry Conway and Dan Slott, if either of you is reading my humble post, is to make this happen. Even if it is a one panel dream shot. I’ll be the dad of the year if I got his idea in print.
Are you ready to stand a little taller? Be a little prouder? Can you find villains that Spider-Man fought that are worse than Mindworm and Traveller? Well then – get ready for mayhem in the mighty Marvel manner! I’m putting the history lesson on you guys this week. Your task is to find the craziest, weirdest, stupidiest* villain Spidey has ever tangled with. Here are the rules:
- It doesn’t have to be in a Spider-Man title, but more weight will be given to villains who were canon (at least at some point in continuity). Spidey Super Stories and Electric Company episode are off limits. As well as any non-Peter Parker Spider-Man story.
- Mindworm and Traveller are off limits (besides, we can do better than that).
- To qualify as a Spider-Man villain, Spidey must have had an encounter, however brief, with said villain.
- First person to post that villain lays claim to the villain for his or her entry.
- Feel free to throw support behind other people’s entries.
How do you enter this contest? Just post your entry in the replies section to this post. We’ll need the villain’s name and a description of why they are so awful. An issue where the villain appeared would be appreciated as well as an image.
So what are you waiting for? You have until 12/4 Friday midnight to contribute. On Saturday our panel of secret Crawlspace judges will evaluate all entries and the winner will be announced in the replies section of this post. That winner will be the proud recipient of the first ever ELECTRONIC CRAWLSPACE NO-PRIZE!
Oh, and don’t forget to drop some praise in the comments section for Carnage Swarm. Make my son’s day.
“Iguana (Earth-616).” Marvel Database. Wikia, N.d. Web. 26 Nov. 2015.
Marston, Greg. “The 10 WORST Spider-Man Villains of All Time.” Newsarama. Purch, 30 June 2015. Web. 26 Nov. 2015.
Phegley, Kiel. “Dan Slott Has a ‘Giant, Evil Master Plan’ for ‘Amazing Spider-Man.’” Comic Book Resources. CBR, 3 Nov. 2015. Web. 3 Nov. 2015.
“Slyde.” Marvel Universe Wiki. Marvel, 2015. Web. 26 Nov. 2015.
*I know you might be saying that “stupidest” is not a word. My viewpoint is that if the dictionaries can include “bootylicious” then I can use “stupidest”. Since I’m also an English teacher, I have the power to make it official.