“See? Nothing scary here.”
Eat Me: A Spidey Musical. Coming soon to a theater near you.
Amazing Spider-Man (2015) #1.1 and 1.2
“Amazing Grace, Part 1: A Wretch Like Me”
“Amazing Grace, Part 2: My Heart to ear”
Writer: Jose Molina
Pencils: Simone Blanchi
Inks: Simone Blanchi
Colors: Israel Silva
Editor: Nick Lowe and Devon Lewis
We open on Peter swinging through the air, trying to fit words into iconic Christmas carols (because as we all know, Peter has always been known for his musical talent). He drops in on a funeral for a guy named Julio Rodriguez, and as everybody leaves, Rodriguez bursts out of his grave (Funerals, Spiders and Zambies, oh my!). Peter learns about the resurrection through Jameson on the Fact Channel (I guess the Plot Convenience Fairy went drinking and found this on Molina’s workbench), and goes to visit the Chief Medical Examiner, a friend of Anna Maria’s (I take that back, Slott stole the Plot Convenience Fairy’s wand, and poked his way into Molina’s office). He asks if there was a chance if he was buried alive. When he’s reassured that it can’t be done (even though this is the Marvel universe, where characters are resurrected on a dime), Peter finds Rodriguez’s kids, making some awkward pedophile jokes in the process (You know, for kids!). Spider-Man is snuck up on (Spider-sense? What’s that?), and we are promised a fight between the Spider and the Santerians. (Context, if you may) End Scene.
Peter and the Santerians never fight, but Peter does spell out a warning to stop their activities with chickens (Because that chicken saved his uncle from dying, it’s just that important!), as well as saving a pack of dogs (Are the Santerians just on the run from PETA?). We learn that Rodriguez blames Parker Industries for him dying, because he went to the Uncle Ben Foundation for help and was denied said help(I’m pretty sure that the Uncle Ben Foundation was made to help those who can’t provide for themselves, not cure cancer. Idiot.). Peter gets tricked into flying to Cuba, and by hitching a ride on a passing place (I’m sure Parker Industries has their own private jets, but this comic has done a good enough job at ignoring continuity, so why should I try?) After he arrives in Cuba, we find a scene similar to The Reanimator, where his breath removes any illness (I’m not questioning it, why should you?). Peter goes around, highlighting the negative aspects of Cuba (this has been another message from ASPCA), Peter finds a robot and sea creatures, as well as… Dumblydore! (I’m just kidding, it’s Uncle Ben. What a twist!)
I remember watching a movie called Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. It was bad. The characters felt nothing like themselves, the plot was forced down our throats, and some of the oddest decisions ever made were featured prominently. And then I went back and watched Age of Extinction. It did nothing to restore my faith in the brand, with only side stories like the IDW comics and TV shows, obscure stuff only the extreme fans would care about, maintaining my interest in the franchise. The movie almost ruined the brand for me, and I was very close to dropping it out of frustration.
An almost copy-paste scenario of this scenario is Amazing Spider-Man #1.1 and 1.2.
Let’s get the one positive out of the way. The art. It at least… looks appealing? Actually, no, let’s just move onto the cons.
Let’s start with the art, since we’re already on that subject. The art is butt-ugly. I haven’t seen such bad art since I saw Pickle and Peanut by complete accident. I’ll give it this, if the pencils had been released on their own, I might have given some leeway. But letting a penciller do their own inks has never proven to be a good ideal. We’ve all said that Stegman’s pencils are good, but Marvel’s choice to let him do his own inks made his art look incredibly sketchy. We have that same problem repeated here, and Silva’s putrid colors do not help in the slightest. They just make the ground look just as ugly as the villain in Foodfight at the end. I enjoyed the pencils, but if I had that and not the inks or colors, I would have been totally fine.
The jokes fell flat on their rears. I swear to god, Rob Schneider is funnier (and that’s a sad day when Rob Schneider is funnier than something.
The writing doesn’t help things either. I never read Daredevil: Father, so I have no idea who the hell the main characters are aside from Peter, and the plot itself really has no coherence or sense of pacing, which gives off a really funky vibe when you’re trying to make sense of the random bouncing plot bubbles. I found myself baffled by some of the actions of the characters, such as the idiocy of Rodriguez going to the Uncle Ben Foundation instead of the cure-all guy in Cuba, or the lack of professionalism of the Chief Medical Examiner (calling Anna Maria a bearcat?! What?!) and the clear lack of understanding that this is the Marvel universe, where people come back to life more often than being born.
For my final summary on my thoughts, Amazing Spider-Man #1.1 and 1.2 fall flat on the promise of returning to the hometown of Spider-Man, and bringing him down from his high and mighty place as a Tony Stark clone. With this apparent lack of success, one must wonder if the team behind Spider-Man can ever return him to his rightful place.