Jonah Speaks Out Via Daily Bugle’s Tumblr Site

“And who’s paying for Spider-Man’s actions? I am. You are. And every other taxpayer in this city…”

On the Daily Bugle viral site for the upcoming Amazing Spider-Man sequel, publisher J. Jonah Jameson is speaking out about our favorite hero.

Says Jonah:

Recently, Spider-Man got involved in the apprehension of a carjacker. The web he spun blocking the thief’s path on East 61st Street forced the driver to divert to First Avenue. While driving in the wrong direction, the carjacker hit four cars, one of which crashed through the front of a coffee shop…one of those places that serves that stupid latte art Melissa Hutchins loves so much. Fortunately, no one was hurt, but police estimate over four hundred thousand in damages were incurred.

Of course, civilians applauded as the wall-crawling vigilante pulled the thief out of his damaged car. Did any of them notice the damage left in Spider-Man’s wake?

Last December, Spider-Man pursued a bank robber named Herman Schultz who was using homemade weapons that emitted vibrational shock waves. Over two hundred photos of Schultz, hanging upside down from a twisted street light in a cocoon of webbing, were posted online. Including several with police officers (all of whom were reprimanded).

Did anyone consider that during Spider-Man’s prolonged pursuit and apprehension of Schultz, a city bus, a police car, two streetlights, a fire hydrant and twenty feet of sidewalk were destroyed? Estimated damage: $2.8 million dollars.

And who’s paying for Spider-Man’s actions? I am. You are. And every other taxpayer in this city. It’s clear Spider-Man’s results do not justify the reckless methods he employs. When is he going to finally realize this and just stop?

Now if only we could get Jonah to show up in one of the movies…

–George Berryman!