So two months ago we definitively proved that Spider-Man was in a position where he could beat the cosmic-powered herald Firelord. You may have missed it since right when I released this wonderful pieced of well-researched goodness, Sony and Marvel split up and dominated the Internet. Feel free to go back and check it out.
So now that that controversial part is out of the way, let’s look at the details of the story as it unfolds in ASM #269 and #270 and that other issue of the story that you may not be as familiar with.
Part 1
It all starts in with #269 – “Burn, Spider, Burn!” (Not to be confused with “Spyder, Spyder Burning Bright”) You can read it here on Marvel Unlimited.
In space, no one can hear you scream.
However, you can apparently hear Firelord babble to himself as he does in the opening panels. He is flying around and being a general nuisance to space objects in general. A meteor comes his way and instead of just flying around it, he decides to blast it to smithereens, all the while talking to himself so that he can show himself what a tough guy he really is.
Of course, this shows us how powerful he is, but he also shows us that he has the maturity of your average 12 year-old boy. I get it if he’s mad, but this is evidently just a normal bit of business for him.
Now Firelord is no longer a Herald of Galactus. He’s been freed by Thor and Hercules. And, as he is near Earth, he decides to sample the “sensual delights and pleasures, unlike any others found in the known cosmos,”* and sets off to visit our friendly little planet.
Switch to our friendly neighborhood Peter Parker, who is at his aunt’s house eating some wheatcakes, being doted on by her boarders.
At this time, Aunt May is renting out rooms in her house to other old people (she started this in Marvel Team Up #124). We have:
- Victor and Rose Palmero – husband and wife who are always bickering with each other
- Arthur “Anton” Checkov – cool old dude with a French beret – think Old Man George Berryman, but more hippy
- Martha and Sophia Lund – sisters who love to pinch Peter’s cheeks
- And, of course, Nathan Lubinsky – grumpy old coot who make JR look like Santa Claus. Also lover of Aunt May.
They all stayed at May’s house until Amazing Spider-Man #321 when Aunt May kicked them out so that Nathan could die in peace. It was a seven-year sub plot and it is kind of sad that they just disappear from Aunt May’s life. These guys are supporting cast to the supporting cast, but they do their job to fill in the background that we need to know. Nathan grumbles about how Peter isn’t a good nephew and the others are watching The Mutant Menace ad on tv, which is both a bit of foreshadowing for the conflict here and a clever ad for Dazzler the Movie, which is not a movie at all but rather a graphic novel (which is not yet on Marvel Unlimited, but I’m sure Dazzler fans are currently fighting to fix that). Once Aunt May and Peter hash it out about Peter dropping out of grad school, we can get back to Firelord experiencing Earth’s sensual delights…
…which he finds at Tony’s Pizza. This poor restaurant only appears in this issue, but their ill-placed bill board attracts Firelord’s attention. First thing he does is barge in through the window (really? They don’t have door etiquette in outer space?), then he manhandles the owner into making him a pizza. The pizza ovens are lit yet, being breakfast time, so Firelord lights is for them.
This move cost Tony about $10,000 in today’s terms. I know, because I checked PizzaSolutions.com, the #1 trusted source on pizza ovens. And, because you expect no less for the Crawlspacer’s #1 researcher, that is about $4,100 in 1985 time. I know because I checked dollartimes.com.
This move also costs Firelord the peace and tranquility he needed after a hard morning of blowing up meteors for no reason. Some construction workers see him and figure he is one of those Mutant Menaces that was on the TV earlier, so they decide to take him down Chicago style.
Unfortunately, they aren’t in Chicago.**
Peter Parker, meanwhile, ditches the old coots and changes in a tree. His Peter-Tingle*** warned him of Firelord and he is anxious to get there. That’s when we get this scene:
Back when they first announced they were going to have the black suit, there was such negative feedback that Jim Shooter went to DeFalco and said to scrap the black suit. DeFalco said it was too late, the issue has already gone to print, so Shooter told him to get rid of it in the next issue, but DeFalco requested that they at least hold out until he gets it in Secret Wars (about another seven months!). So Shooter relented. Then after the black suit became popular, Shooter said to keep the black suit, but he issue where he goes back to the red and blue suit was already off to the printers. So the compromise was Spider-Man swapping between the two costumes.
This whole time, Spider-Man is worried that it was the Beyonder back in town and he would have to teach him about the bathroom or something. Instead, he just sees Firelord and all he knows is these guys don’t stand a chance. He doesn’t hear them talking about teaching this “mutie” scum a lesson, not that it matters to Spidey when lives need saving. For that matter, Spidey at this point has shown no real love for mutants anyway. Just earlier in Secret Wars #3, he single-handily swung in and beat the whole mutie team to a pulp.
Spidey lobs some insults Firelord’s way, strips him of his staff, and then we get this:
Only, he’s not, as we discussed last Cobwebs!
Man this issue is loud! Unlike the modern run.****
If you want the fight breakdown, then you’ll need to listen to it from George’s mouth. I’m not stepping on his toes by rehashing his schtick.
Basically, the whole fight is Spider-Man trying to get out of there and finding someone who is capable of handling the job. Once he realizes that he’s the only guy in town, he then turns to find Firelord and give him one heck of a fight!
So that’s it for the first issue, the second issue is titled, “The Hero and the Holocaust”. Now before you get upset by the title, in case you were unawares, the Holocaust is the attempt to exterminate the Jews during WWII. The word ‘holocaust’ simply means to be consumed by fire. Don’t get upset by the title, just read the issue.
Part 2
Our story picks up right where we left off, and after a quick in-story recap, Firelord finds Spidey first. But just like last issue, Firelord can’t lay a finger on our spider-sense-enhanced webslinger. Spider-Man leads him on quite the merry chase and we get this scene:
COBWEBS EXCLUSIVE!
Being the English teacher nerd that I am, when I saw the name Ercoli, I had to do some research. That’s is a particularly specific name. In fact, right now, there are only 262 people with that name in America. That’s quite the name to pull out of thin air. So I started looking. There is one other Ercoli in the Marvel universe. He appeared in Dazzler #2. Mr. Joseph Ercoli gives Dazzler a card that should get her a music contract. I checked the writer of that comic and guess who? Yep! Mr. DeFalco himself. So I emailed Tom DeFalco and asked him about it and he told me that Ercoli was the last name of a former college roommate of his and still a good friend to this day. So there you have it. Cobwebs Exclusive!
This issue also has the first appearance of Kate Cushing.
Well, it was supposed to be the first appearance. This issue was delayed two months for reasons we’ll discuss later. So the actual first appearance is Web of Spider-Man #5. Since it was Peter’s first introduction to Kate, she still gets introduced, so unless you knew the behind the scenes mess that was going on, you wouldn’t have thought twice about that oddity.
COBWEBS EXCLUSIVE!
Our very own Morbius loving Kevin Cushing’s real name is not Kevin Cushing. It is actually Kent Clarkson, but he changed it to make it sound more like a comic book name and modeled it after Kate Cushing’s name, his second most favorite character. And that’s the truth!*****
We get another break from the chase scene in order to see the Avengers listening to a police report about Firelord and Spider-Man and decide that maybe they ought to do something about it.
Spidey is desperate and even convinces a demolition crew to blow up a building with Firelord and him in it. Spidey gets out, but Firelord takes the full power of the explosion. He still comes after Spidey so Spidey blows up a gas station on him.
I did try and look up how much damage a gas station explosion would yield, but my five minutes of extensive googling didn’t render any results. So there must be no way of knowing.
Luckily the gas station was in the middle of a square block of abandoned housing. The owner was probably going out of business and this insurance check saved his hide.
Firelord plays opossum long enough to get Spider-Man within reach, but as soon as Spidey realizes that he is still shuffling along this mortal coil, he launches into attack-mode.
He continues pounding until Captain America shows up and puts a hand on his shoulder. Firelord is out for the count and now in Avengers custody. So it took a combination of an exploding building, an exploding gas station, and about million punches to the face from Spider-Man (plus the fact that he never got his pizza breakfast), but he finally went down and Spidey was never touched.
But that’s not all!
Despite that there is no editor’s note to tell us this, the story continues in Avengers #258!
Most of this issue is rather tedious political stuff that the Avengers are going through. However, we get to see some different scenes of the end of the fight.
Plus we get the thoughts of a few Avengers on the matter…
…as well as more conversation between the group and Spidey.
We also get to see him try to fight the Avengers when he wakes up in their mansion, but Hercules puts a stop to that. Pull up your Marvel Unlimited and read the rest of the story.
The odd thing is, this after fight scene comes TWO MONTHS BEFORE the Amazing Spider-Man issue! Why? Well, that depends on who you ask.
Christopher Priest, who went by Owsley at the time, was the editor and he claims that DeFalco and Frenz were always late and that he had to put two back up issues by Peter David in to keep scheduling. DeFalco and Frenz both hold that they were on time every month, but Owsley had it out for them. The two sets hated each other. Alas, that will be for another day for when I go into the mystery behind the Hobgoblin mystery. The background story there is more interesting than the actual story!
Well folks, that’s about that. Two Cobwebs exclusives and a secret extended ending for you! Join me next month (or whenever I get to it) for whatever I decide to do next! I’m thinking the unknown Spider-Man movie from the ‘90s that you may not be aware of. Until then, make mine Crawlspace!
Sources:
“Amazing Spider-Man #269-270.” Marvel’s Comic Chronology, SuperMegaMonkey, www.supermegamonkey.net/chronocomic/entries/amazing_spider-man_269-270.shtml.
“Amazing Spider-Man Vol 1 269.” Marvel Database, Fandom, marvel.fandom.com/wiki/Amazing_Spider-Man_Vol_1_269.
Defalco, Tom. Personal Interview. 19 Aug. 2019.
“Ercoli.” Mongabay, 2015, names.mongabay.com/data/e/ERCOLI.html.
“Kathryn Cushing (Earth-616).” Marvel Database, Fandom, marvel.fandom.com/wiki/Kathryn_Cushing_(Earth-616).
Priest, Christopher. “Chapter Two: Oswald: Why I Never Discuss Spider-Man.” Adventures in the Funny Book Game, Lamercie Park,
“Web of Spider-Man Vol 1 78.” Marvel Database, Fandom, marvel.fandom.com/wiki/Web_of_Spider-Man_Vol_1_78.
* Which beats the “Mostly harmless” review Ford Prefect gave us.
** Or actually, fortunately, for who would want to go there?
*** That one is for you, Norbort
**** It’s the ONLY negative thing I can say about the current run.
*****Well, it’s true as far as you know and unless Brad himself comments that this is a falsehood, you’ll know I’m telling the truth.
‘Nuff Said!
Apple Podcasts
Google Podcasts
Spotify
Pandora
Amazon Music
iHeartRadio
Podbean
Amazon Alexa
Player.fm
Listen Notes
Stitcher
@Evan – That’s a great idea! I’ll write one and try to get in the next letter pages before Chi-Town gets in for his 20th time!
@Jack – I like the fact that it doesn’t define him and I love seeing it when it comes out from time to time. You’re right, it’s a wonder he hasn’t gone too far (well, I guess he did in Sin Eater).
@Mark — I remember that game, but I must never have seen that commercial, or else I would have remembered it, too. Yikes. You know, I think the lackluster onomatopoeia — and complete lack thereof, most of the time — in the current run is a perfectly valid complaint. It’s because of snotty girls in commercials like that that we’re concerned about sounding too nit-picky. (I probably shouldn’t have used the words “nit-picky” and “snotty” in the same sentence.) Maybe this one-and-only negative about an otherwise wonderful run can be the topic of your next letter. Wouldn’t it be great if Spencer got the message and started adding some BLRKBQRKPQRBLNB-caliber sound effects just for you?
This story shows an underlying rage element in Peter’s personality, that can explode out of him if he isn’t careful. It doesn’t define him — Peter isn’t essentially ragey — but when you consider his parents died, how much he was bullied, and then the unjust death of his uncle, he carries around a significant capacity for anger.
@Hornacek & Evan
Hornacek – Ha! You know, how far would he have gone if Cap hadn’t intervened?
Evan – Glorious it is. Part of me says I need to stop obsessing over onomatopoeias but the other part of just ignores it enough for me to make another Ooti. You know, I could probably take all the onomatopoeias in the first year of Spencer and it still not be as much as were either of these two issues. Do you remember this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ca7334RiITY Every time I use the word, I think of how she snotily she says it.
My ears are still ringing from all of the noise. It’s glorious.
“He continues pounding until Captain America shows up and puts a hand on his shoulder.”
https://i.imgur.com/MPbX6OD.jpg
@Chi-Town, Adam Schingle, and Shane Bennett
Chi-Town – Love you too, brother! I admit, the Internet is better up there!
Adam Schingle – Good catch! I looked up Tony’s Pizza and only found it in that one issue. Glad to see Tony was able to keep the business going. Maybe he had good insurance!
Shane Bennett – only meant to trigger Chi-Town with the tingle reference! Guess that was more of a shotgun blast than a sniper rifle. I enjoyed the MCU movies, but agree that they should have acknowledged the spider-sense better than what they did. I didn’t mind the joke because it was Aunt May teasing her boy showing her acceptance of his super-powered lifestyle, but understand where those who hate it are coming from. What are your thoughts on Sony and Disney coming to an agreement? Glad you like t he article, though! Turned out to be a much longer one that I expected – and I even ignored most of the actual fight!
The two part article was a great read. Thanks for that. However don’t use “Peter Tingle” term. The MCU Spider-Man solo movies seem to hate the Spider Sense. They barely acknowledge it and when they do they have to turn it into a joke with the aforementioned term.
Actually, Peter is shown eating a couple slices at a “Tony’s Italian Kitchen” in Spectacular Spider-Man #200. Maybe they rebranded.
You mock my hometown, even though it has better internet service than yours and then you discredit the super hero we all love by using “Peter Tingle.”
I hate you.